During lunch, Kevin and Daniel played rock-paper-scissors to decide who will have to return the lunch trays. "I'm going to put paper," said Daniel. Of course, if Daniel is going to put paper, I will place out scissors to counter. However, he thought that Daniel thought that by saying that he is going to put paper, Daniel is deceiving him and he might actually put out rock to lure him into taking scissors so that he won't have to return the trays. His mind thought of two different paths, one where Daniel is lying, or another where Daniel is really going to put out paper. "Who would fall for that trick," he told himself, "if Daniel is going to put paper out, then I should put scissors, but Daniel probably foresaw that and will pull out rock, so I should pull out paper." Rock-paper-scissors match starts and ends in less than 10 seconds, but that 10 seconds felt like 10 minutes to him. He thought of all the possibilities that Daniel could do, and tried to think of a way to counter him. If Daniel saw through him and pulls out scissors in case Daniel thought Kevin already read his mind and decided to pull out paper, then that leaves him no choice but to pull out scissors, but Daniel is a sharp guy, so Daniel probably foresaw that one too, and decided to pull out rock and laugh as the loser takes the trays away with his head down. With possibilities flying over his mind, he set his mind on rock. In the end, Kevin held out rock, while Daniel held out paper. After the 10 seconds, Daniel laughed at Kevin as he returned the trays back to the cafeteria with his head down.
Rachel Choi
Positive: I love your paragraph!!!!! Your sense of humor reflects in your short paragraph. :) I think you portrayed the inner consciousness of "Kevin" very well, as he struggles in rock-paper-scissor match. I liked the ending, too, because it is comical and happens to everyone in lifetime. You did a good job in showing your thoughts and emotions through third-person's perspective.
Negative: I think you should put more stream of consciousness in the paragraph because it seems like you are only narrating the situation. The story itself is kind of confusing, too. If you added more details, it would be better. :) :)
Elaine L.- I liked the trickiness in your stream of consciousness, "he thought that Daniel thought that by saying that he is going to put paper, Daniel is deceiving him and he might ..." I thought that you expressed your character's feelings and thoughts very clearly. I think this was a pretty good stream of consciousness but it is rather predictable than random. Stream of consciousness normally has some random thoughts here and there, but overall it was good:]
During lunch, Kevin and Daniel played rock-paper-scissors to decide who will have to return the lunch trays. "I'm going to put paper," said Daniel. Of course, if Daniel is going to put paper, I will place out scissors to counter. However, he thought that Daniel thought that by saying that he is going to put paper, Daniel is deceiving him and he might actually put out rock to lure him into taking scissors so that he won't have to return the trays. His mind thought of two different paths, one where Daniel is lying, or another where Daniel is really going to put out paper. "Who would fall for that trick," he told himself, "if Daniel is going to put paper out, then I should put scissors, but Daniel probably foresaw that and will pull out rock, so I should pull out paper." Rock-paper-scissors match starts and ends in less than 10 seconds, but that 10 seconds felt like 10 minutes to him. He thought of all the possibilities that Daniel could do, and tried to think of a way to counter him. If Daniel saw through him and pulls out scissors in case Daniel thought Kevin already read his mind and decided to pull out paper, then that leaves him no choice but to pull out scissors, but Daniel is a sharp guy, so Daniel probably foresaw that one too, and decided to pull out rock and laugh as the loser takes the trays away with his head down. With possibilities flying over his mind, he set his mind on rock. In the end, Kevin held out rock, while Daniel held out paper. After the 10 seconds, Daniel laughed at Kevin as he returned the trays back to the cafeteria with his head down.
Rachel Choi
Positive: I love your paragraph!!!!! Your sense of humor reflects in your short paragraph. :) I think you portrayed the inner consciousness of "Kevin" very well, as he struggles in rock-paper-scissor match. I liked the ending, too, because it is comical and happens to everyone in lifetime. You did a good job in showing your thoughts and emotions through third-person's perspective.Negative: I think you should put more stream of consciousness in the paragraph because it seems like you are only narrating the situation. The story itself is kind of confusing, too. If you added more details, it would be better. :) :)
Elaine L.- I liked the trickiness in your stream of consciousness, "he thought that Daniel thought that by saying that he is going to put paper, Daniel is deceiving him and he might ..." I thought that you expressed your character's feelings and thoughts very clearly. I think this was a pretty good stream of consciousness but it is rather predictable than random. Stream of consciousness normally has some random thoughts here and there, but overall it was good:]